Chemo’s Working… I guess

I think I’ve finally emerged out the other end of this latest chemo cocktail fog. But seriously. What. The. Fuck. I never would have thought that I would literally not be able to lift my head off of my pillow or even open my eyes. That shit is no joke. I was projectile vomiting. Sweating. Freezing. On the verge of tears from how miserable I felt. But even more miserable not being able to be there for my kids and John. I felt as if someone ran me over with a dump truck and then reversed to make sure I was good and done. 

This pretty much sums up my last 5 days

It’s funny, looking back at how bummed I was to push that one week of Taxol due to low counts. It was a blessing. Otherwise I would have felt this shitty over the holiday and that would have devastated me. I would have slept through Wyatt’s first Christmas and I wouldn’t have seen Harlon’s face light up with all of his gifts. I would have also missed Har’s scared shitless face when we told him Santa would be coming inside the house to deliver gifts. He’s still not a fan of the jolly old guy. 

John’s basically been our own Lighting McQueen. You know, a one man show. Oh, no? You haven’t seen the movie Cars 9,567 times? Oh weird, we have… Luckily Coach has been around the last few days and is always willing to entertain Lil Har and put up with his endless game requests. He also keeps my husband sane. Win win. 

Since I was feeling better today, I slapped on some brows and eyeliner. Swapped out one pair of leggings for another. And was happy to be a functioning part of society, if only for like 2 hours. I could have asked John to run my errands for me but it felt liberating to do something on my own. Even if it just was a run to the pharmacy and Trader Joe’s. 

Running errands is exhausting. So we sit.

Along with John’s never ending support and positivity, someone else gave me a much needed pep talk last night to help me out of this funk. She reminded me that I WILL bounce back. Maybe not today or tomorrow but I will rise above all of this. Her encouragement gave me chills. And not the chemo kind of chills. Like heartfelt, man, she’s the best, chills. Thank you Katie.☺ And she’s right. Because I’ve got this. 
My new favorite hobby: seeing what kinds of stuff people bought at the grocery store as they juggle it all to the car because no one wants to buy a plastic bag for 20 cents when they forget their reusable one. 

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5 thoughts on “Chemo’s Working… I guess

  1. Sounds like this treatment is worse than Taxol. Hang in there and contnue being a beacon of hope and light to other women and families out there! We look forward to seeing your smiling face and positive writings every week, and please know that your words are inspiring people from far away that you will never meet. You’ve GOT THIS! You are infinitly more powerful than cancer will ever be! Cancer treatment is a F’d up test to see who is stronger… You are stronger by far… Therefore you shall win! I try to convey this to my wife every night. Cancer sucks, but treatment sucks soo much more that it will be defeated.

    Tomorrow is Taxol 6 of 12 for us… But tough Mamas keep on fighting! GO TOUGH MAMA!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Jess- I’ve been keeping up with your journey on this often-hilarious, sometimes-heartbreaking, but always-honest blog. Your positivity and strength in this trying time are incredibly admirable, and I’m sure your very candid account of your journey brings solace to others who are also battling cancer. May 2017 bring you and your family HEALTH and happiness!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. We are wrapping our arms around you and squeezing you tight. Hang in there Jess. You’ve got lots of love and prayers coming from all over. We love you 💗💗💗

    Liked by 1 person

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