Hope is Dope

1 of 4! 👍🏻

Today is the start of my new chemo cocktail – Adriamycin/Cytoxan. 1st of 4 treatments. It also marks three years since my dad passed away and I miss him every single day. 


Lately, I have been having random dreams where my parents are there. I don’t get to talk to them but I see them. It’s comforting. Because in these dreams I am extremely aware of my current situation. I see myself with no hair and I am fighting hard in these dreams. So it’s nice to feel their presence. 

Yesterday was a good day full of positive people and fun compliments. It was a good day to finally step out of the house following the terrible cold I caught. I mean awful. 🤧 On Monday, I could barely move. I put on movie after movie for Little Har as we sprawled out on the couch. But yesterday I turned the corner towards health. When I went to get my blood drawn, the man at the reception desk complimented my head shape. Who knew that could make a girl feel so good?  Said I was rocking the no hair thing and that I pulled it off so well. He said I was like Sinead O’Conner, back in the good old days 😉 Then the guy who drew my blood complimented the scent I was wearing saying I was soooo calming. I try, man. And when I got to acupuncture, I totally forgot I was scheduled with someone else because my lady was on vacation. When I walked in, my new dr was on the phone so I popped over to the relaxation room and made myself a cup of tea. When we went back to the room, we started the Getting to Know You Game. The first thing she asked me was if I knew what you do on a plane in case of emergency. You put the mask on yourself first and then anyone else that needs help. Right?…. And then she told me a story about a woman she knew who put others before herself while on chemo. I asked why she was telling me this. I mean, I didn’t know this woman at all and this is where she began. Before even asking me medical things. She told me she could just tell that I was this person and that I needed to be reminded. I had kind eyes, didn’t complain when she was running late, and showed a genuine smile when we talked. She could just tell. I’ll take these as compliments too, and as words to truly listen to. 

She told me that every morning as soon as I wake up, I must tell myself that I am most important. Because if I don’t take care of myself, I can’t take care of my family. Because, you know, you can’t fill from an empty cup…that whole thing. When I was leaving she told me “It’s all good. You’re going to be ok.” 💖

The nurse sits by my side and manually pushes it into my port.
Yes, it’s really red.

Today’s chemo- The Red Devil was a trip. It made me super sleepy and fuzzy for a while. Once I snapped out of it enough, I got up to use the restroom and completely forgot that my pee would be red. So that was cool. 😳At lunch later, I ate a beet salad to see just how red I could get this stuff. Pump. It. Up. 

At lunch, a nice lady popped by our table. Her name was Carole. Sweetest thing. She asked me about my treatment and pointed to my port. She told me she was also a survivor and that I am doing great. The comfort that comes with a person like this is indescribable. And her telling me it was all going to be ok was extremely reassuring. I believe her. As she was about to head back to her table she gave me a hug, a wink, and a thumbs up and said “keep on keeping on”. 💖 Will do Carole 👍🏻

Real quick, let’s talk about this weather. I understand several people are totally digging the warm temps. Like the guy at the Kaiser reception desk yesterday. He said it was “ahhhhhhmazing!” But give me a fucking break man. I already made it through another summer pregnancy, living in a puddle of my own sweat. Can’t I just get through ‘chemopause’ with some chill in the air? 80 degrees in December?!?! Poo poo on you So Cal. I am so over of these hot flashes. 

Anyway, I see my oncologist tomorrow for a follow up. I’m really excited to see her and hopefully have some reassurance that things are still going well. I am also hoping to get on the schedule for hydration infusion tomorrow. The holidays have made things tricky with scheduling. So we will see if it happens or if I even need it. Crossing my fingers that I feel super fantastic and can leave a spot for someone else who is in greater need. 

Fun fact: Last night, I dreamt that I met Shannen Doherty. You know- Brenda from 90210. And we sang Paula Abdul songs together at some exclusive nightclub. 
Words of advice: If ever you are feeling down…. go to my Facebook or Instagram and watch the video of John running with the parachute. It’s sure to make you laugh. A lot. Like tears. 🤣

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9 thoughts on “Hope is Dope

  1. Stay strong friend! You are doing great. Keep it positive! You got this! 👊🏻 I wanna sing with you and Shannon D. Lol. Johns video was hilarious too😂 Love you lots! 😘❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Love everything you write about jess it’s always on a positive note keep up the great positive vibes ,you look great, always praying for you guys keep it up❤❤❤

    Liked by 1 person

  3. The weather is cooling down, dear Jess! Hope it makes you feel better!! Keep taking care of yourself first!! You are incredible and so inspirational!! Hugs from Carol and Gene 😘🤗😘

    Liked by 1 person

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