Back In My Safe Space- Taxol #12

1+5+5+1=12! Rolling with my homies- nurse Debbie, nurse Diane, and nurse Mel 😄

Done with Taxol! Woot woot! 

I never thought I would be this happy to be back in my chemo chair! Actually, yes, I did. I enjoy being here. I feel like I am actively taking charge. It’s comforting to be hooked up, knowing that the poison is doing its thang. 

I thought I might have to skip again this week because even though my counts have gone up a little, they are still low. But I’m here! I have been having some headaches and the nurses seemed a bit concerned so they paged my oncologist. After what felt like a very long time, they came back to tell me we were all good and I could still get treatment today. Phew. 

While I was waiting for the go ahead, I started to panic. Immediately I wished I brought my Ativan as tears began to fill my eyes. Just then, a lady walked up to my chair. She was holding a handmade blanket and a bag of handmade donated beanies. I pulled it together. She asked me if I wanted either, I politely declined but we talked a little more. 

She walked up just at the right time. She asked me “what are you in for?” And we both laughed. She then told me she was a 6 year breast cancer survivor and showed me her beautiful tattoo over her port scar. Like a badge of honor. Then she told me I was a survivor too. I haven’t really thought of it that way. I didn’t think I could be a survivor until I was in remission. But here I am surviving. 

We talked a bit more and as she walked away she said “I’m doing whatever I want, whenever I want because life is too damn short!” Yup, she is right. And this has been my thinking lately too.  I’ve been telling myself to use the ‘good’ soaps, light the ‘good’ candles, go on that trip, love with all you have and let people know it.  There are no do overs in this life. It’s not like some Hallmark Christmas movie where you get to come back as an angel, learn your lessons, right your wrongs, find love, and then come back to life a changed person. She’s right. Life is too damn short. 

People with or those who have had cancer, in my experience, tend to be the most positive people. Funny right? 

Next week, I start AC. The Red Devil it’s been called. They will manually push the Adriamycin (red) and the Cytoxan will be via pump. Of course, I’ll report back. 

Just another CA girl without the correct clothing for rain. But look, my eyebrows stayed on.

My most recent mantras:

I am healing everyday in every way. 

I will be cancer free. 

That one quickly turns into

Cancer free and gotta pee. It just rhymes so well. And I pee a lot. 

My current read

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2 thoughts on “Back In My Safe Space- Taxol #12

  1. Merry Christmas to you Jessica
    You are right, cancer will change you…I always always say to my friends, I had cancer, Dave died same year, I am going to do, say what I want now, life is too short. Hey I even flirt with way younger guys,ha ha ha
    Hugs…

    Liked by 1 person

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